I’m raising a future executive!

By: kanga

May 22 2011

Category: Uncategorized

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Focal Length:3.85mm
Shutter:1/14 sec
Camera:iPhone 4

I wanted to write a post about how badly most parents want their children to become independent from they 1 after s/he was born. Starting with sleep training in an extremely early stage so they can sleep trough the night, don’t pick them up  and letting them cry, do not hold them in their arms, don’t let them sleep in the same room/bed. And they all do this because they don’t want to spoil their child and they truly believe this is the way to raise an independent child.

And I’m afraid they are correct in a way. Their child will be independent on a very bad way. Those children will be independent because they learned it early enough that they can’t count on anybody. There is nobody who would come when they cry for comfort or love or when they hungry or when they want to interact. They learned that their is nobody to ask for help. So they will shout their mouth, they won’t cry because they learn that it would be a wasted energy on survival, they accept this and they learn to do everything on their own. In a nutshell they learn to trust nobody so most likely they will live a lonely, unhappy life because they unable to care and love either.

I just wanted to share these feelings after I had a busy week, full of meetings with moms as well as professionals hearing about brand new parents who left their 5 days old baby to cry during the night just to have him sleep trough the night and being so proud of him because he did it after 2 days. So when I went trough some of my trusted resources in this matter to gain enough information to add to this post I found something extremely interesting.
Our aim as parents should be to get our child interdependent instead of independent.
I found an article written by Dr Sears (see below). He is a very well trusted and known American pediatrician with more than 30 years practice and he has been raising 8 own children and 1 adopted child. What he stated is that the most matured stage is to be interdependent. While I was reading it I just realized that my little one is already able to ask for help. So, I’m raising a future executive!!! :))) She doesn’t  fuss or get frustrated if something doesn’t happen after she tried a few times for example she can’t switch of the torch or put the blocks perfectly on each other, but she calls me and says “Mami segits! (Mommy, help!)” and she says it in an asking tone instead of in an ordering one. I was so surprised to learn how matured it is and how good to have this ability to be productive. So it kept me thinking because the biggest issue of my life is to ask for help. I need to investigate my childhood to find the reason for this…but this is another issue.

Here is what Dr Sears says:
“Many child-rearing theories teach that one of the prime parenting goals is to get your child to be independent. Gaining independence is only one part of becoming an emotionally healthy person. A child must pass through three stages:

  • Dependence: “You do it for me.” The infant under one year of age is totally dependent on his parents.
  • Independence: “I do it myself.” During the second year, the exploring toddler, with the encouragement of parents, learns to do many things independent of parents.
  • Interdependence: “We do it.” This is the most mature stage. The child has the drive to accomplish a feat by himself, but has the wisdom to ask for help to do it better. For a child to have the best chance of becoming an emotionally healthy person, he should be encouraged to mature through each of these stages gradually. Getting stuck in the dependent stage is as crippling as being forced out of it too soon. Remaining in the independent stage is frustrating. Maturing into interdependence equips children with the ability to get the most out of others, while asking the most of themselves.

Interdependence means the parent and child need each other to bring out the best in each other.Without your child challenging you as he goes through each stage, you wouldn’t develop the skills necessary to parent him. Here’s where the connected pair shines. They help each other be the best for each other.

Learning interdependence prepares a child for life, especially for relationships and work. In fact, management consultants teach the concept of interdependence to increase productivity. Steven Covey, author of the best- selling Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, stresses that interdependence is a characteristic of the most successful people. The ability to know when to seek help and how to get it is a valuable social skill that even a two-year-old can learn: “I can do it myself, but I can do it better with help.” This is how your child learns to become resource-full. So, when your child asks you to help with a project, consider that you may be raising a future executive.”